Actual Life

Writing brings me to life
With the characters I made
To keep my own sanity,
To protect me from the loneliness

Writing shows me death
Killing off the persona's I created.
To divulge into their minds
Is to divulge into mine.

Writing brings me understanding
Making compromises with myself
To keep friendships strong,
To protect me from myself

Writing brings me hope
Trying daily to make things better.
To wish that I could change this for the better
Is to have false optimism.

Writing may bring me all these things
But it can't bring me what I really want
Closer to actual life, sanity and understanding
I can only fake it

Hinting At It

A subtle hint
Illuminating what seems to me
As blatant yearning
For company

A muttered word
Signaling what seems to be
A flashing warning
Can't you see

A blank expression
Indicating what seems to be
A barefaced admonition
Please just stay with me.

Out Today

The owner is out today
All I can say
Is you could stay
Wait awhile till he's back

My brain has steered clear
Of the things I fear
I wish I could say the end is near
Wait awhile and see the end of me

The owner of this mind
Is never too kind
And if you should find
A way to revert him back, please tell me

Burning Bridge

If this bridge has gotta burn
Maybe your hatred is what I earned
Truly you should have set me ablaze
Long ago I came here in a haze

If this bridge has gotta burn
Maybe your love I never truly earned
Watch me burn, my body ablaze
Long ago my body turned to a hazy gray ash

If this bridge had to burn
Maybe this place I never deserved
Truly this fire kept me amazed
And now I'm burned away

Maybe

Maybe all I wanted was
To be thought of
As a friend,
Brother,
Lover

Maybe I wished to be different
From what I was
The loner,
The one you all hated,
Despised even

Maybe you saw right past me
Through the depression,
The darkness
Maybe there really was a light inside me

Maybe it was just too dim
For me to see
Were your hearts strong enough to find me
To pull me out of this?

Waiting For Nothing

I stare back at the emptiness
Pure loneliness
The darkness surrounds me
I blink at the computer screen before me
But no one blinks back

The pure whiteness of this screen
Brings back the pain,
The lack of conversation gets to me,
I blink at the darkness
And it glares angrily at me

A blinking cursor
And no response
I wait here all night,
Waiting for nothing
I'm wasting away

Death of a Family

You know that boy?
The one with the sad blue eyes
He was killed today,
Lost his life
At the hands of a father

A man who he used to look up to
The father was never a talker
The boy tried to run away
The father chased him
He was his stalker

The boy's mother stood in the way
The father knew she had to pay
She took a knife in the night
The boy watched in horror and quickly took flight
He couldn't stand this bloody fight

The father hunted him down
Down the streets of a small city,
Aided by a crimson knife
The one that had quickly eliminated his wife
With one jab the boy was dead

The family was dead
The father's hands were stained forever red
With the blood of his son and his wife
He used the scarlet knife
To quickly take his own life

Changing Myself

Changing my views of this world
Takes more time than I have
A single lifetime is not enough
This life has been too rough on me

I'll change these dark thoughts
And return to those happier days
But I won't dwell there too long
Why does everything feel so wrong?

My heart is in the right place
Physically I'm so behind
Losing my mind to you
With everything I do

I wish you had told me
I would have dropped everything
I've dwelt on this for weeks
Why does this make me feel so weak?
I can't deny it
No more will I be silent

Deep Blue Gem

This deep blue gem around my neck
Keeps me safe from this world
Takes me far so I can't look back
Far deeper than the sky,
My heart seems to have taken to the skies
Flying away, trying to escape it's stay
In my chest there's an empty feeling
Can I just fly today
Let myself get away
From all this nonsense
All the things I could care less about
Even if you keep me here,
My heart is long gone
And I don't intent to bring it back

The Last Thing

The last thing the boy ever wrote
Was a sorrowful note
Of regret and love
The boy with blue eyes so clear,
His vision so cloudy,
Took his own life
Out of regret, love and fear

The last thing the boy ever said
Was that he was sorry they would never wed
His fear of living life became blatant
The boy with hands so shaky,
His will so steadfast,
Took his own life
When he heard her say

The last thing the boy would ever hear
She said she was sorry that she didn't need him anymore
His body cringed in fear
The boy who was so lively,
Broke the thread that kept him there,
When he said goodbye.

Broken Skies

These dying days
Are like the fading rays
Of sun
As the rain clouds take over
My azure skies
Falling to pieces

And like the town crier
I shout about
How much we're losing
The earth might as well burn now
For the shards of glass will
Cut us to ribbons

Glue won't fix all that's broken
Tape just won't cut it
I can't hold this together all alone
I'm not the one who can save us all
When the pieces fall
I'll be hiding in the brighter days

Tell me when you've fixed the sky
Paused in that second
Like a photograph
I'll store myself away
In a box
To prevent me from the impending doom
That you'll all face head on

Like a car crash
I'm suffering whiplash
My protective shell
Wasn't enough
To save me from smashing through the windshield
And landing on the pavement
So now my world is broken

Wrecked

Down this bare body
I see so many scars
Just so much hurt,
Blood dripping down my cheeks

How did I get so wrecked
Cuts on my legs,
Gashes across my arms
Scars on my chest

These things I don't remember
My heart inside
Is just the same
As this outer shell

Damaged, broken, scarred
I'm just so crushed
Both on the inside
And my insides are a mess

Lighthouse

Held back
From the brink of that looming darkness
I so desire
Why must you be here behind me
Holding me back
I held you both here for so long
Trying myself to find a brighter light
A light I thought would bring me hope
I found some light
But I was beyond hope
And now I'm a soul-less person
This lamp-post can't keep me here much more
To keep me here anymore
I'm held in the lights' radius
By both of you
Tethered to a lamp-post
I need a lighthouse to save me now
Where is the light that I need so?
Why can't my soul become a lighthouse for us all?

Silence

Can't you see
Through her dark eyes
There's a light so bright
Waiting for you to call it out

She needs you
To scare all the monsters
To scare them away
Oh, can't you see

How much she needs you
Why can't you come to her rescue
Oh, why can't you be here
Just PLEASE save her

Oh, couldn't you see
That she needed you so
Her wings turned dark when you never came
And her halo grew thorns
Couldn't you have saved her from this hell?

Through Her Dark Eyes

Can't you see
Through her dark eyes
There's a light so bright
Waiting for you to call it out

She needs you
To scare all the monsters
To scare them away
Oh, can't you see

How much she needs you
Why can't you come to her rescue
Oh, why can't you be here
Just PLEASE save her

Oh, couldn't you see
That she needed you so
Her wings turned dark when you never came
And her halo grew thorns
Couldn't you have saved her from this hell?

Singing

He was just thinking
That his life was worthless
When he found a song
So beautiful that he could just keep going

He was just listening
When his mind gave away
To the beat of the bass
So subtle that he could just sing along

He was just singing
So loud that the walls around him faded
His melodic voice
So wonderful that she joined in

Too bad I'm not him
And I'm not thinking
And I'm not listening
And I'm not singing

Remember

Oh he's finally happy
But he won't remember
The times that brought us together
Banded against the forces of the world

I was the 'happy' one
And now I've lost that
You're the happiest boy in the world
And I'm below zero on the happiness scale

I'll always remember this feeling
So when I fall again
I know what to expect
And if he falls again

He'll be on his ass
And I'll be here to pick him up
Don't doubt it
I've been here for two years
Don't expect me to leave now

Just Your Imagination

I wish I used my heart before I used this god forsaken head
I feel like a leech for the things I think
I'm draining your energy
Just keep fighting me
You can fight me easily

I'm weak
I'm a parasite
I'm your worst nightmare
I am just a nightmare
Just your imagination

Talk

None of us are the type who talk
About the problems we all see
The smudges of drama that cover our lives
Are seen so clearly by each other

We all have our family problems
But we used to share everything
Now we avoid one another
Like the others caused this pain

Time To Let Go?

The one I wished to talk to all the time
Is now nothing more than a distant sound
You once resonated within me with every word you ever spoke
How come you seem so far from me now

Is it that I've changed
No, you've changed too
Not as mature as you used to be
How come you seem so childish to me now?

I know I'm not done growing
But you don't seem to have started
You're still in that past I know
But when is it your turn to let go?