Have you kept a clear mind
Any fresh thoughts lately?
I haven't a single idea
Lately I've lost who I am
Or who I was
I haven't a clue what I want
Could you tell me
Oh, could you tell me
Who you want me to be
I haven't the slightest clue
What I used to want to do
Could you tell me
Would you tell me
Your big idea,
The main idea behind you
I lost myself when I lost you
Oh could you tell me
You want me back just as much as I want you
Why did you tell me
Everything I wanted to hear
Could you tell me
If everything you said was true
You could tell me
While staring into my eyes
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Your Vision
Do I see the world in a different light?
I don't see a single thing inside me,
Nothing special
I am like everyone else,
Subconsciously trying to stand out
Do you notice me
For everything I wish I could be
No
You see what I've done
And you tell me honestly, I am a good person
Do you love me? Obviously
I know why I love you
Because you are you,
You tell me the god-honest truth
I hope your vision of me stays this way
I don't see a single thing inside me,
Nothing special
I am like everyone else,
Subconsciously trying to stand out
Do you notice me
For everything I wish I could be
No
You see what I've done
And you tell me honestly, I am a good person
Do you love me? Obviously
I know why I love you
Because you are you,
You tell me the god-honest truth
I hope your vision of me stays this way
Monday, June 6, 2011
Chapter 1: Bitten
The crowd swarmed. Everyone was centralized on two girls. Cuts and slashes lined their arms. Their most notable feature was their transparent-blue, glowing eyes. Chains around their neck were attached to metal poles, held by armed guards. A guard was stationed on each of the girls and another two held guns pointed directly at them. They were held at bay, just barely out of reach of the crowd. The crowd cheered and screamed as the monstrous girls leapt and lurched at them.
“Move out,” one of the guards held a walkie-talkie radio and motioned for them to move. The guards forced the vicious females to move past the street. Guns drawn, they moved out of my vision.
“That was a great zombie show,” Randy said. He turned around to inspect another guy in a zombie costume. I glanced around at the many people in costumes around me.
“Hey Randy, let’s get out of the crowd,” I called to my friend. Comic-Con was an interesting sight, but it had left me exhausted. I had been running around all day. I had seen hundreds of artists and an almost infinite amount of people in costumes. I recognized many of them, but I also had no clue about many others. Overall I had enjoyed my day.
“Okay, we can go sit in the café,” Randy said motioning towards the building directly behind us. We went in the opposite direction of the undead femme-fatales. Randy opened the door and held it open for me. I entered and looked around the room.
“Huh, everyone must be following the show. Not a single person here,” I said with a slight chuckle. We sat down at a small table.
“Well it is a pretty awesome show,” Randy smiled. His brown hair fell just short of his eyes. He wore a grey tank-top beneath a white unbuttoned shirt.
“The make-up on those girls is really well done,” I said.
“Definitely professionally done,” Randy said, holding up a business card. “Apparently they’re selling some of their products down-stairs.”
“Want to check it out?” I asked. As I finished my question, Randy was cut-off by a series of screams. By now, people were flooding in from outside. Randy stood up from his chair. We stared in panic as the entire crowd ran from a danger completely unknown to us. The café quickly filled with people and many began to bar the doors.
“Sir what’s going on?” Randy asked the nearest man. He happened to be one of the first people to run inside.
“I don’t really know exactly. I saw a guy get bitten and some paramedics carted him off,” the man said with a worried look on his face.
“Bitten?” I asked, giving him a look of disbelief.
“The guy who did it was crazy,” the man said with a panicky look. He looked around, shaking with fear.
“Get away from the doors!” a person near the front, by the doors shouted. I heard pounding on the glass doors. I grabbed Randy’s hand and pulled him towards the escalators. I didn’t want to find out what was outside pounding on those doors. I wanted to get away from what everyone else was too dumbstruck to run from. As more and more people began running for their lives, I began a full sprint down the moving escalator. The hall seemed so immense around me. The chatter in the room grew louder and people piled in. Word hadn’t yet spread about the impending chaos. I was trying to outrun the word of panicked people. I was trying to escape before everyone fought each other for their own escape. We narrowly avoided the inattentive con-goers. I whizzed past a group of people with butterfly headphones, and leapt past a table full of convention pamphlets. A dozen tables filled with information about panels and events scattered my path. Randy ran closely behind me, his hand gripped mine tightly. We both knew something terrible had happened and neither of us planned on finding out what. I was thinking only of myself. I felt like all the other people around me meant nothing. Randy and I were the ones meant to escape. If I yelled, no one would hear me. If I spread the word, it would cause mass confusion and panic. The only logical decision was to run. I hurried around the corner and up the stairs. We found ourselves in a small, closed-off hallway. I let go of his hand and slowed to a walk.
A security guard stood facing the opposite direction. She held a wireless walkie-talkie system. I crept up as close to her as I could without giving myself away. I listened carefully to what was going on.
“The people here are lunatics. Biting each other? What are you talking about? I hate being stationed in the halls, nothing happens here,” the guard spoke softly. I backed away quickly and grabbed Randy’s hand again. I pulled him forward and we walked normally towards her. She heard our footsteps and ended her conversation with a sudden cough into the walkie.
“Excuse me,” I waved courteously at her. Her red curls bobbed on her head as she turned to face us.
“Yes?” She asked, still slightly shaken by our presence in the hall.
“I heard a man was attacked,” I said, frowning innocently. “Is he alright?”
“I’m sure he’ll be just fine, kid,” the guard said. “But I heard that some people went crazy down on the opposite side of the con,” she spoke quickly and softly at the same time. Her words were difficult to make out.
“What do you mean?” Randy butted in. He asked the question casually, but I could sense the urgency in his voice. We both needed to know what was going on.
“From what I heard, a bunch of people went cannibal on started ripping off people’s flesh,” she gave a slight chuckle. “I’d stay away from that area. They won’t let you in anyways.”
“Will do,” I said, walking past her. After we were out of ear-shot, I pulled Randy close to me and said, “Dark humor on that one, I guess that comes with the boring job,” I muttered. “Let’s get out of here. This con sounds like it’s getting dangerous.”
“Agreed, but I have to take the tram home,” Randy said with a nervous hint to his speech.
“I’ll walk you there,” I volunteered bravely. Randy led me to the nearest door leading outside. This back exit seemed strangely lacking in occupancy. All weekend we had seen groups of costumed kids huddled in corners talking. There was not a single child or even the rare adult.
“It’s stranger that there’s no one here,” Randy said, narrating my thoughts.
“Let’s get you to the tram so I can get back. I want to get the heck out of here,” I said. Randy and I walked side by side to the crosswalk. Cacti lined the gravel beside the sidewalk.
“Wow, look at those costumes! They’re almost as good as the ones we saw in that show,” Randy said pointing across the street at a pair of men. Their clothes were torn and they were covered in dripping wounds.
“Pretty well done. The blood dripping from their arms looks awesome,” I said. I loved the concept of zombies; I had been watching horror movies since I was 9. The ‘walk’ sign flashed in the crosswalk. We crossed and passed the pair. One reached his arm out and snagged a hold of my shoulder. He pulled me back. “Get off me you creep!” I yelled and shoved him back. He staggered back and fell onto the sidewalk. His partner crept forward at us. Randy pulled me away and we ran to the nearest tram stop.
“Scary,” Randy said, out of breath. He inserted a dollar coin into the automated ticket machine and received his ticket.
“I’m going to head back,” I said, checking the time. “5:02,” I muttered. “You’re gonna be alright without me, right?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Randy replied. I hugged him and turned to leave. “You be careful too.”
“I will,” I said and continued on. I walked slowly towards the convention, trying to regain energy. I check past every corner, trying to avoid everyone in zombie attire. I avoided the creeps for the most part and reached the front entrance. Surrounding the doors was a mass of people dressed as zombies. I heard my ringtone and felt a vibration coming from my phone in my pocket. I reached in and pulled it out. I caught a glance of the entire group of zombies staring directly at me.
They all lurched towards me and I tried to scream. I was terrified of this mob. The words ‘help me’ were caught in my throat.
“Stop!” I yelled. Their movements grew faster. I turned to run, but my foot was caught by a young girl. Her eyes glowed blood red and she clawed at my jeans. She bit at my leg through my pants and I could tell she had broken the skin. I kicked at her and screamed in pain as she continued to sink her teeth into me. I kicked and kicked until her face was blooded and bruised. She dropped her grip on my leg and I ran for my life. I flipped open my still-ringing phone.
“Hello?” I asked frantically.
“Nate?” a girl’s voice asked.
“Yes? I said impatiently. I tried to be calm despite my pain.
“It’s Miranda. I’ve lost Jessica. Where are you?” Miranda asked me, unknowing of the danger I was in. I could hear the noise in the background of the call.
“I’m being chased by a mob. Get Jessica and stay there. I’ll find you both,” I called into my phone and hung up quickly. I tossed the phone into my pocket and kept running as swiftly as I could. The mob was close behind, but I was putting some distance between us. I turned down an alley that led to the service entrance into the convention center. I hopped up onto the first bar of the gate and climbed up the rest of the way. I leapt down and caught myself. I landed on my injured ankle and cringed with pain.
I checked carefully around the enclosed area for anything resembling a zombie. The pain finally hit me full-on. The adrenaline rush had worn off and I could feel the searing in my ankle. I ripped up the bottom of my T-shirt to use as a bandage. I lifted my pant leg up to get a closer look at the bloody wound. A piece of flesh dangled precariously on a strand of still attached skin. I lifted it into its original position on the back of my ankle and tied it up with the rags.
“That hurts like hell,” I groaned in pain. I began to wonder what was going to happen to me. I was bitten by a zombie. Would I change like the rest had? If so, when would I turn? Sick thoughts filled my head. Would I see what I did as a zombie? Would I enjoy being undead? Was the taste of flesh an acquired taste?
“Move out,” one of the guards held a walkie-talkie radio and motioned for them to move. The guards forced the vicious females to move past the street. Guns drawn, they moved out of my vision.
“That was a great zombie show,” Randy said. He turned around to inspect another guy in a zombie costume. I glanced around at the many people in costumes around me.
“Hey Randy, let’s get out of the crowd,” I called to my friend. Comic-Con was an interesting sight, but it had left me exhausted. I had been running around all day. I had seen hundreds of artists and an almost infinite amount of people in costumes. I recognized many of them, but I also had no clue about many others. Overall I had enjoyed my day.
“Okay, we can go sit in the café,” Randy said motioning towards the building directly behind us. We went in the opposite direction of the undead femme-fatales. Randy opened the door and held it open for me. I entered and looked around the room.
“Huh, everyone must be following the show. Not a single person here,” I said with a slight chuckle. We sat down at a small table.
“Well it is a pretty awesome show,” Randy smiled. His brown hair fell just short of his eyes. He wore a grey tank-top beneath a white unbuttoned shirt.
“The make-up on those girls is really well done,” I said.
“Definitely professionally done,” Randy said, holding up a business card. “Apparently they’re selling some of their products down-stairs.”
“Want to check it out?” I asked. As I finished my question, Randy was cut-off by a series of screams. By now, people were flooding in from outside. Randy stood up from his chair. We stared in panic as the entire crowd ran from a danger completely unknown to us. The café quickly filled with people and many began to bar the doors.
“Sir what’s going on?” Randy asked the nearest man. He happened to be one of the first people to run inside.
“I don’t really know exactly. I saw a guy get bitten and some paramedics carted him off,” the man said with a worried look on his face.
“Bitten?” I asked, giving him a look of disbelief.
“The guy who did it was crazy,” the man said with a panicky look. He looked around, shaking with fear.
“Get away from the doors!” a person near the front, by the doors shouted. I heard pounding on the glass doors. I grabbed Randy’s hand and pulled him towards the escalators. I didn’t want to find out what was outside pounding on those doors. I wanted to get away from what everyone else was too dumbstruck to run from. As more and more people began running for their lives, I began a full sprint down the moving escalator. The hall seemed so immense around me. The chatter in the room grew louder and people piled in. Word hadn’t yet spread about the impending chaos. I was trying to outrun the word of panicked people. I was trying to escape before everyone fought each other for their own escape. We narrowly avoided the inattentive con-goers. I whizzed past a group of people with butterfly headphones, and leapt past a table full of convention pamphlets. A dozen tables filled with information about panels and events scattered my path. Randy ran closely behind me, his hand gripped mine tightly. We both knew something terrible had happened and neither of us planned on finding out what. I was thinking only of myself. I felt like all the other people around me meant nothing. Randy and I were the ones meant to escape. If I yelled, no one would hear me. If I spread the word, it would cause mass confusion and panic. The only logical decision was to run. I hurried around the corner and up the stairs. We found ourselves in a small, closed-off hallway. I let go of his hand and slowed to a walk.
A security guard stood facing the opposite direction. She held a wireless walkie-talkie system. I crept up as close to her as I could without giving myself away. I listened carefully to what was going on.
“The people here are lunatics. Biting each other? What are you talking about? I hate being stationed in the halls, nothing happens here,” the guard spoke softly. I backed away quickly and grabbed Randy’s hand again. I pulled him forward and we walked normally towards her. She heard our footsteps and ended her conversation with a sudden cough into the walkie.
“Excuse me,” I waved courteously at her. Her red curls bobbed on her head as she turned to face us.
“Yes?” She asked, still slightly shaken by our presence in the hall.
“I heard a man was attacked,” I said, frowning innocently. “Is he alright?”
“I’m sure he’ll be just fine, kid,” the guard said. “But I heard that some people went crazy down on the opposite side of the con,” she spoke quickly and softly at the same time. Her words were difficult to make out.
“What do you mean?” Randy butted in. He asked the question casually, but I could sense the urgency in his voice. We both needed to know what was going on.
“From what I heard, a bunch of people went cannibal on started ripping off people’s flesh,” she gave a slight chuckle. “I’d stay away from that area. They won’t let you in anyways.”
“Will do,” I said, walking past her. After we were out of ear-shot, I pulled Randy close to me and said, “Dark humor on that one, I guess that comes with the boring job,” I muttered. “Let’s get out of here. This con sounds like it’s getting dangerous.”
“Agreed, but I have to take the tram home,” Randy said with a nervous hint to his speech.
“I’ll walk you there,” I volunteered bravely. Randy led me to the nearest door leading outside. This back exit seemed strangely lacking in occupancy. All weekend we had seen groups of costumed kids huddled in corners talking. There was not a single child or even the rare adult.
“It’s stranger that there’s no one here,” Randy said, narrating my thoughts.
“Let’s get you to the tram so I can get back. I want to get the heck out of here,” I said. Randy and I walked side by side to the crosswalk. Cacti lined the gravel beside the sidewalk.
“Wow, look at those costumes! They’re almost as good as the ones we saw in that show,” Randy said pointing across the street at a pair of men. Their clothes were torn and they were covered in dripping wounds.
“Pretty well done. The blood dripping from their arms looks awesome,” I said. I loved the concept of zombies; I had been watching horror movies since I was 9. The ‘walk’ sign flashed in the crosswalk. We crossed and passed the pair. One reached his arm out and snagged a hold of my shoulder. He pulled me back. “Get off me you creep!” I yelled and shoved him back. He staggered back and fell onto the sidewalk. His partner crept forward at us. Randy pulled me away and we ran to the nearest tram stop.
“Scary,” Randy said, out of breath. He inserted a dollar coin into the automated ticket machine and received his ticket.
“I’m going to head back,” I said, checking the time. “5:02,” I muttered. “You’re gonna be alright without me, right?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Randy replied. I hugged him and turned to leave. “You be careful too.”
“I will,” I said and continued on. I walked slowly towards the convention, trying to regain energy. I check past every corner, trying to avoid everyone in zombie attire. I avoided the creeps for the most part and reached the front entrance. Surrounding the doors was a mass of people dressed as zombies. I heard my ringtone and felt a vibration coming from my phone in my pocket. I reached in and pulled it out. I caught a glance of the entire group of zombies staring directly at me.
They all lurched towards me and I tried to scream. I was terrified of this mob. The words ‘help me’ were caught in my throat.
“Stop!” I yelled. Their movements grew faster. I turned to run, but my foot was caught by a young girl. Her eyes glowed blood red and she clawed at my jeans. She bit at my leg through my pants and I could tell she had broken the skin. I kicked at her and screamed in pain as she continued to sink her teeth into me. I kicked and kicked until her face was blooded and bruised. She dropped her grip on my leg and I ran for my life. I flipped open my still-ringing phone.
“Hello?” I asked frantically.
“Nate?” a girl’s voice asked.
“Yes? I said impatiently. I tried to be calm despite my pain.
“It’s Miranda. I’ve lost Jessica. Where are you?” Miranda asked me, unknowing of the danger I was in. I could hear the noise in the background of the call.
“I’m being chased by a mob. Get Jessica and stay there. I’ll find you both,” I called into my phone and hung up quickly. I tossed the phone into my pocket and kept running as swiftly as I could. The mob was close behind, but I was putting some distance between us. I turned down an alley that led to the service entrance into the convention center. I hopped up onto the first bar of the gate and climbed up the rest of the way. I leapt down and caught myself. I landed on my injured ankle and cringed with pain.
I checked carefully around the enclosed area for anything resembling a zombie. The pain finally hit me full-on. The adrenaline rush had worn off and I could feel the searing in my ankle. I ripped up the bottom of my T-shirt to use as a bandage. I lifted my pant leg up to get a closer look at the bloody wound. A piece of flesh dangled precariously on a strand of still attached skin. I lifted it into its original position on the back of my ankle and tied it up with the rags.
“That hurts like hell,” I groaned in pain. I began to wonder what was going to happen to me. I was bitten by a zombie. Would I change like the rest had? If so, when would I turn? Sick thoughts filled my head. Would I see what I did as a zombie? Would I enjoy being undead? Was the taste of flesh an acquired taste?
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Fickle Heartless
My heart jumps
From person to person
With each new un-proclaimed love,
I lose a piece
"I'll give you a part"
"You too"
"Would you like one?"
My mind leaps from one thought,
A thought of the future
To another
Some are brighter than others
I can imagine
Being close to you,
But I can imagine being close to him, or even her.
I can imagine so many things
Why can't I just choose
Why did God leave me here
With a million choices
Why did God choose
To keep me un-opinionated
If there is a God
He is a fickle God
God left me here
With such a fickle heart
But sometimes,
I feel like I can't love another
I feel
So heartless
From person to person
With each new un-proclaimed love,
I lose a piece
"I'll give you a part"
"You too"
"Would you like one?"
My mind leaps from one thought,
A thought of the future
To another
Some are brighter than others
I can imagine
Being close to you,
But I can imagine being close to him, or even her.
I can imagine so many things
Why can't I just choose
Why did God leave me here
With a million choices
Why did God choose
To keep me un-opinionated
If there is a God
He is a fickle God
God left me here
With such a fickle heart
But sometimes,
I feel like I can't love another
I feel
So heartless
Perfect Day
So many memories
So many pleasant days
Free me from the past's drama
Kiss me on the lips and say
How much you love me
Friends smiling,
Flirting,
Joking
We're all so insane
So
Tell me why you love these moments
Swimming and nerdy games
Will there ever be another day
That we can call perfect
Absolutely perfect
So many pleasant days
Free me from the past's drama
Kiss me on the lips and say
How much you love me
Friends smiling,
Flirting,
Joking
We're all so insane
So
Tell me why you love these moments
Swimming and nerdy games
Will there ever be another day
That we can call perfect
Absolutely perfect
Keep On Trying
My words
Don't seem to paint the picture
Your drawings
Seem so lifelike
When I think I've failed
You see it in a whole new light
You change the way I think
And keep me trying to write
Don't seem to paint the picture
Your drawings
Seem so lifelike
When I think I've failed
You see it in a whole new light
You change the way I think
And keep me trying to write
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Homesick Dandelion Seed
I was blown away
Stolen from my home
The girl who took me,
Blew me away with all her hope
She whispered a secret into me
"Please let him love me,"
She said under her breath
With a fickle wish,
Her breath sent me away
The wind carried me for what seemed like miles
I landed in the dirt
And it began to rain
After a dark night
Filled with thunderous sounds and flashes of light
I began to become attached to my new home
I felt myself taking root
Now I stay here
Growing with the grass beside me
Eventually I got tall enough
To see above the grassy blades
I can see my old home
A dandelion sprouting
Not twenty yards from me
So close, and so far
For me to reach it
Would be an extreme feat
For I am attached to this new home
I am grounded, but I am homesick
Stolen from my home
The girl who took me,
Blew me away with all her hope
She whispered a secret into me
"Please let him love me,"
She said under her breath
With a fickle wish,
Her breath sent me away
The wind carried me for what seemed like miles
I landed in the dirt
And it began to rain
After a dark night
Filled with thunderous sounds and flashes of light
I began to become attached to my new home
I felt myself taking root
Now I stay here
Growing with the grass beside me
Eventually I got tall enough
To see above the grassy blades
I can see my old home
A dandelion sprouting
Not twenty yards from me
So close, and so far
For me to reach it
Would be an extreme feat
For I am attached to this new home
I am grounded, but I am homesick
Sending You Love
I send you my love
On a string
Hanging in an old oak tree
I send you my love
In a bottle
Drifting in the vastest ocean
I send you my love
In the form of a heart
Waiting peacefully in my chest
I send you my love
In any form you want
Just please,
Please don't break my
Note on a string,
Message in a bottle,
Or my fragile heart
I only have one of each left.
On a string
Hanging in an old oak tree
I send you my love
In a bottle
Drifting in the vastest ocean
I send you my love
In the form of a heart
Waiting peacefully in my chest
I send you my love
In any form you want
Just please,
Please don't break my
Note on a string,
Message in a bottle,
Or my fragile heart
I only have one of each left.
Thanks
I thought I had betrayed you
But now I look back
Who's the one who put you first so many times
Me.
I looked back upon our memories
Sacrificing days and nights
To prevent your suicidal attempts
I remember it differently than you do
I remember getting you the girl
Helping you find the right tower
I hold those memories fondly
I helped you save the princess
And then you rode off
On your steed
You sped away
Saying how you didn't need me anymore
Thanks for the betrayal
Thanks for the lack of thank yous
Thanks for the broken friendship.
But now I look back
Who's the one who put you first so many times
Me.
I looked back upon our memories
Sacrificing days and nights
To prevent your suicidal attempts
I remember it differently than you do
I remember getting you the girl
Helping you find the right tower
I hold those memories fondly
I helped you save the princess
And then you rode off
On your steed
You sped away
Saying how you didn't need me anymore
Thanks for the betrayal
Thanks for the lack of thank yous
Thanks for the broken friendship.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
At Stake
Blissful lies,
Raise your eyes
To meet my own
Blissfully fake
See what's at stake
The fire's burning
Blissfully my toes burn
Raise your eyes
To watch me suffer
Blissful and full of glee
You watch me burning
At the stake like a witch
Raise your eyes
To meet my own
Blissfully fake
See what's at stake
The fire's burning
Blissfully my toes burn
Raise your eyes
To watch me suffer
Blissful and full of glee
You watch me burning
At the stake like a witch
Just an Act
I go from happy
To hating your existence
I go from blissfully ignoring
The things you hide
I lose my head
Hear gunshots firing
Out, away, escape my head
Why hide it?
I go from bright-eyed
To a red-eyed glare
Just stop acting like
The friend you were
To hating your existence
I go from blissfully ignoring
The things you hide
I lose my head
Hear gunshots firing
Out, away, escape my head
Why hide it?
I go from bright-eyed
To a red-eyed glare
Just stop acting like
The friend you were
Ever
Have you ever waited
By a foggy window
For the mail
Have you ever been disappointed
By a close friend,
Tried so hard, but still managed to fail
Have you ever broken down,
Gotten on your knees
And cried.
Have you ever?
Heard your mind wail
For the loss of just one person.
By a foggy window
For the mail
Have you ever been disappointed
By a close friend,
Tried so hard, but still managed to fail
Have you ever broken down,
Gotten on your knees
And cried.
Have you ever?
Heard your mind wail
For the loss of just one person.
Mechanical
Electric love sent shivers down my power cord
I feel robotic
Mechanically, I pick myself up
From where you left me
Covered in deep gashes,
Broken buttons,
Shattered switches
Mechanically picking up the pieces
Turning knobs into place
Electric love was once my bread and butter
It made my engine flutter
With the wings of holographic butterflies
Mechanically I'm activated
By your voice
You're still here
I thought you'd left
"Welcome back,"
I say mechanically
"I'm here to rip you apart"
Rip me apart?
You already shattered me once
My body is lackluster at best
She reached into my chest and ripped out all mechanics
That kept me conscious
I feel robotic
Mechanically, I pick myself up
From where you left me
Covered in deep gashes,
Broken buttons,
Shattered switches
Mechanically picking up the pieces
Turning knobs into place
Electric love was once my bread and butter
It made my engine flutter
With the wings of holographic butterflies
Mechanically I'm activated
By your voice
You're still here
I thought you'd left
"Welcome back,"
I say mechanically
"I'm here to rip you apart"
Rip me apart?
You already shattered me once
My body is lackluster at best
She reached into my chest and ripped out all mechanics
That kept me conscious
Can't Take the Truth
Your lies are like arsenic,
Hard to swallow
Even harder to digest
Your thoughts are poison to my heart
Hard to live with
It in my veins
The truth would be better
If you hadn't stored so much deception
Inside my naive head
Hard to swallow
Even harder to digest
Your thoughts are poison to my heart
Hard to live with
It in my veins
The truth would be better
If you hadn't stored so much deception
Inside my naive head
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Bound
Forever I waited to be put to rest
I lived and died but was still stuck between
Bound by my companions
Made immortal by my sacrifice
Those three live without me
Forever I longed to have them beside me
I lived and died; all alone
Bound to wait for their deaths
They were made immortal by my sacrifice
They will forever live without me
I lived and died but was still stuck between
Bound by my companions
Made immortal by my sacrifice
Those three live without me
Forever I longed to have them beside me
I lived and died; all alone
Bound to wait for their deaths
They were made immortal by my sacrifice
They will forever live without me
Summer
Do you ever feel
Like your life has gone
Gone with the cold of winter
How many months before it returns
Do you ever feel
As if your time has been wasted
Wasted by the ideals of other people
How many times have you been told you're wrong
Do you ever feel
Like your soul has shriveled
Shriveled with the cold
Of a winter that is so far off
Like your life has gone
Gone with the cold of winter
How many months before it returns
Do you ever feel
As if your time has been wasted
Wasted by the ideals of other people
How many times have you been told you're wrong
Do you ever feel
Like your soul has shriveled
Shriveled with the cold
Of a winter that is so far off
'Human Nature' and 'Throw Me Away'
Human Nature
Human nature
Naturally you'd spill your secrets
If you were quite as human as I
The expression goes
You're only human
But is there more than human
Human nature
Naturally you'd tell me everything
Without me even asking
You always say you feel alone
Sometimes I don't even hear the words
I catch you staring at the phone
Human nature
Naturally calls you in
It's only natural you'd want to be with others
Others just as human as you
I see the loneliness in your eyes
So just reach out to me
Human nature
Pulls you closer
But you can't reach my outstretched hands
Don't you wish to be closer?
To me, or to the other people out there
We're all just waiting for that ring
Throw Me Away
I have been many places
I have seen the peaks of mountains
I have watched the desert fountains
Seen the beaches on the coast
But I am still disposable
Toss me away
Use me only once
Why did you make me this way?
I have been farther than you think
I have seen the grassy hills
I have seen California's windmills
Any sight you have seen
I was there beside you
But you threw me out
Used me once
And now I'm sitting in a landfill
We went there together
Remember when we saw Tonto
We watched the river's flow
I thought you'd be here forever
Wasn't I useful enough?
But your treatment was so rough
I thought I'd called your bluff
When I challenged you to throw me away
We saw Little Tokyo
Can you remember half these places we go?
We've seen lakes and even dusty trails
When your legs were about to fail
I revived your strength
I was there to replenish
I went a great length
To relinquish all I had to offer
I was there for you
But I was banished
And now all I see
Are mountains of black and white
You sent me off alone
Is this nay home
For the one that kept you going?
Now all I want, is for you to come back
Human nature
Naturally you'd spill your secrets
If you were quite as human as I
The expression goes
You're only human
But is there more than human
Human nature
Naturally you'd tell me everything
Without me even asking
You always say you feel alone
Sometimes I don't even hear the words
I catch you staring at the phone
Human nature
Naturally calls you in
It's only natural you'd want to be with others
Others just as human as you
I see the loneliness in your eyes
So just reach out to me
Human nature
Pulls you closer
But you can't reach my outstretched hands
Don't you wish to be closer?
To me, or to the other people out there
We're all just waiting for that ring
Throw Me Away
I have been many places
I have seen the peaks of mountains
I have watched the desert fountains
Seen the beaches on the coast
But I am still disposable
Toss me away
Use me only once
Why did you make me this way?
I have been farther than you think
I have seen the grassy hills
I have seen California's windmills
Any sight you have seen
I was there beside you
But you threw me out
Used me once
And now I'm sitting in a landfill
We went there together
Remember when we saw Tonto
We watched the river's flow
I thought you'd be here forever
Wasn't I useful enough?
But your treatment was so rough
I thought I'd called your bluff
When I challenged you to throw me away
We saw Little Tokyo
Can you remember half these places we go?
We've seen lakes and even dusty trails
When your legs were about to fail
I revived your strength
I was there to replenish
I went a great length
To relinquish all I had to offer
I was there for you
But I was banished
And now all I see
Are mountains of black and white
You sent me off alone
Is this nay home
For the one that kept you going?
Now all I want, is for you to come back
Singing
She's singing
He's singing
A couple trapped in endless sin
The guard grabs her lover's arm
Pulls him out of their cell
She calls out his name
She's singing
He's singing
A couple caged in endless sorrow
She reaches out her hand
Through the rusted iron bars
He calls out her name
She's singing
He's singing
A couple trapped in endless loss
The guard drags him away
She falls to her knees
And sings a hopeful tune
She's singing
He's singing
A couple about to lose each other
He is laid before the executioner
He watches as they hold up the ax
He whispers along to the tune she sang long ago
"My darling,
Do you see me now?
Staring this life in the face
I'll always be here
My darling,
I hope you saw somehow
I always loved your silent grace
You keep away my fears"
He's singing
A couple trapped in endless sin
The guard grabs her lover's arm
Pulls him out of their cell
She calls out his name
She's singing
He's singing
A couple caged in endless sorrow
She reaches out her hand
Through the rusted iron bars
He calls out her name
She's singing
He's singing
A couple trapped in endless loss
The guard drags him away
She falls to her knees
And sings a hopeful tune
She's singing
He's singing
A couple about to lose each other
He is laid before the executioner
He watches as they hold up the ax
He whispers along to the tune she sang long ago
"My darling,
Do you see me now?
Staring this life in the face
I'll always be here
My darling,
I hope you saw somehow
I always loved your silent grace
You keep away my fears"
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Empty
Empty ears
Does the silence consume your mind
Do you feel left behind?
Whats the name of that song
Empty thoughts
Can you recollect those thoughts you had
Did those memories desert you too
What was his name
Empty hearts
Does the stale heartbreak return you to a state of sadness
Can you even remember the name of a lover you once had
What was her name
Empty
Can you fill this space that the silence controls
Did you even try
And where did you go,
Are these the questions you still have?
Does the silence consume your mind
Do you feel left behind?
Whats the name of that song
Empty thoughts
Can you recollect those thoughts you had
Did those memories desert you too
What was his name
Empty hearts
Does the stale heartbreak return you to a state of sadness
Can you even remember the name of a lover you once had
What was her name
Empty
Can you fill this space that the silence controls
Did you even try
And where did you go,
Are these the questions you still have?
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Leather-Bound Book
Emaciated face
Just holding on
Loss of life
Now the rest are all gone
To that great beyond
Soon he'll be following along
Dry as dust, a million cracks
His wrinkled skin
A face full of untold stories,
His stories,
Past glories
Each crevice, line and crowsfoot
Could tell the young of this generation
The story of the Great Depression,
The Holocaust,
Or even of the brighter days,
His days
Just holding on
Loss of life
Now the rest are all gone
To that great beyond
Soon he'll be following along
Dry as dust, a million cracks
His wrinkled skin
A face full of untold stories,
His stories,
Past glories
Each crevice, line and crowsfoot
Could tell the young of this generation
The story of the Great Depression,
The Holocaust,
Or even of the brighter days,
His days
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Actual Life
Writing brings me to life
With the characters I made
To keep my own sanity,
To protect me from the loneliness
Writing shows me death
Killing off the persona's I created.
To divulge into their minds
Is to divulge into mine.
Writing brings me understanding
Making compromises with myself
To keep friendships strong,
To protect me from myself
Writing brings me hope
Trying daily to make things better.
To wish that I could change this for the better
Is to have false optimism.
Writing may bring me all these things
But it can't bring me what I really want
Closer to actual life, sanity and understanding
I can only fake it
With the characters I made
To keep my own sanity,
To protect me from the loneliness
Writing shows me death
Killing off the persona's I created.
To divulge into their minds
Is to divulge into mine.
Writing brings me understanding
Making compromises with myself
To keep friendships strong,
To protect me from myself
Writing brings me hope
Trying daily to make things better.
To wish that I could change this for the better
Is to have false optimism.
Writing may bring me all these things
But it can't bring me what I really want
Closer to actual life, sanity and understanding
I can only fake it
Hinting At It
A subtle hint
Illuminating what seems to me
As blatant yearning
For company
A muttered word
Signaling what seems to be
A flashing warning
Can't you see
A blank expression
Indicating what seems to be
A barefaced admonition
Please just stay with me.
Illuminating what seems to me
As blatant yearning
For company
A muttered word
Signaling what seems to be
A flashing warning
Can't you see
A blank expression
Indicating what seems to be
A barefaced admonition
Please just stay with me.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Out Today
The owner is out today
All I can say
Is you could stay
Wait awhile till he's back
My brain has steered clear
Of the things I fear
I wish I could say the end is near
Wait awhile and see the end of me
The owner of this mind
Is never too kind
And if you should find
A way to revert him back, please tell me
All I can say
Is you could stay
Wait awhile till he's back
My brain has steered clear
Of the things I fear
I wish I could say the end is near
Wait awhile and see the end of me
The owner of this mind
Is never too kind
And if you should find
A way to revert him back, please tell me
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Burning Bridge
If this bridge has gotta burn
Maybe your hatred is what I earned
Truly you should have set me ablaze
Long ago I came here in a haze
If this bridge has gotta burn
Maybe your love I never truly earned
Watch me burn, my body ablaze
Long ago my body turned to a hazy gray ash
If this bridge had to burn
Maybe this place I never deserved
Truly this fire kept me amazed
And now I'm burned away
Maybe your hatred is what I earned
Truly you should have set me ablaze
Long ago I came here in a haze
If this bridge has gotta burn
Maybe your love I never truly earned
Watch me burn, my body ablaze
Long ago my body turned to a hazy gray ash
If this bridge had to burn
Maybe this place I never deserved
Truly this fire kept me amazed
And now I'm burned away
Maybe
Maybe all I wanted was
To be thought of
As a friend,
Brother,
Lover
Maybe I wished to be different
From what I was
The loner,
The one you all hated,
Despised even
Maybe you saw right past me
Through the depression,
The darkness
Maybe there really was a light inside me
Maybe it was just too dim
For me to see
Were your hearts strong enough to find me
To pull me out of this?
To be thought of
As a friend,
Brother,
Lover
Maybe I wished to be different
From what I was
The loner,
The one you all hated,
Despised even
Maybe you saw right past me
Through the depression,
The darkness
Maybe there really was a light inside me
Maybe it was just too dim
For me to see
Were your hearts strong enough to find me
To pull me out of this?
Waiting For Nothing
I stare back at the emptiness
Pure loneliness
The darkness surrounds me
I blink at the computer screen before me
But no one blinks back
The pure whiteness of this screen
Brings back the pain,
The lack of conversation gets to me,
I blink at the darkness
And it glares angrily at me
A blinking cursor
And no response
I wait here all night,
Waiting for nothing
I'm wasting away
Pure loneliness
The darkness surrounds me
I blink at the computer screen before me
But no one blinks back
The pure whiteness of this screen
Brings back the pain,
The lack of conversation gets to me,
I blink at the darkness
And it glares angrily at me
A blinking cursor
And no response
I wait here all night,
Waiting for nothing
I'm wasting away
Death of a Family
You know that boy?
The one with the sad blue eyes
He was killed today,
Lost his life
At the hands of a father
A man who he used to look up to
The father was never a talker
The boy tried to run away
The father chased him
He was his stalker
The boy's mother stood in the way
The father knew she had to pay
She took a knife in the night
The boy watched in horror and quickly took flight
He couldn't stand this bloody fight
The father hunted him down
Down the streets of a small city,
Aided by a crimson knife
The one that had quickly eliminated his wife
With one jab the boy was dead
The family was dead
The father's hands were stained forever red
With the blood of his son and his wife
He used the scarlet knife
To quickly take his own life
The one with the sad blue eyes
He was killed today,
Lost his life
At the hands of a father
A man who he used to look up to
The father was never a talker
The boy tried to run away
The father chased him
He was his stalker
The boy's mother stood in the way
The father knew she had to pay
She took a knife in the night
The boy watched in horror and quickly took flight
He couldn't stand this bloody fight
The father hunted him down
Down the streets of a small city,
Aided by a crimson knife
The one that had quickly eliminated his wife
With one jab the boy was dead
The family was dead
The father's hands were stained forever red
With the blood of his son and his wife
He used the scarlet knife
To quickly take his own life
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Changing Myself
Changing my views of this world
Takes more time than I have
A single lifetime is not enough
This life has been too rough on me
I'll change these dark thoughts
And return to those happier days
But I won't dwell there too long
Why does everything feel so wrong?
My heart is in the right place
Physically I'm so behind
Losing my mind to you
With everything I do
I wish you had told me
I would have dropped everything
I've dwelt on this for weeks
Why does this make me feel so weak?
I can't deny it
No more will I be silent
Takes more time than I have
A single lifetime is not enough
This life has been too rough on me
I'll change these dark thoughts
And return to those happier days
But I won't dwell there too long
Why does everything feel so wrong?
My heart is in the right place
Physically I'm so behind
Losing my mind to you
With everything I do
I wish you had told me
I would have dropped everything
I've dwelt on this for weeks
Why does this make me feel so weak?
I can't deny it
No more will I be silent
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Deep Blue Gem
This deep blue gem around my neck
Keeps me safe from this world
Takes me far so I can't look back
Far deeper than the sky,
My heart seems to have taken to the skies
Flying away, trying to escape it's stay
In my chest there's an empty feeling
Can I just fly today
Let myself get away
From all this nonsense
All the things I could care less about
Even if you keep me here,
My heart is long gone
And I don't intent to bring it back
Keeps me safe from this world
Takes me far so I can't look back
Far deeper than the sky,
My heart seems to have taken to the skies
Flying away, trying to escape it's stay
In my chest there's an empty feeling
Can I just fly today
Let myself get away
From all this nonsense
All the things I could care less about
Even if you keep me here,
My heart is long gone
And I don't intent to bring it back
The Last Thing
The last thing the boy ever wrote
Was a sorrowful note
Of regret and love
The boy with blue eyes so clear,
His vision so cloudy,
Took his own life
Out of regret, love and fear
The last thing the boy ever said
Was that he was sorry they would never wed
His fear of living life became blatant
The boy with hands so shaky,
His will so steadfast,
Took his own life
When he heard her say
The last thing the boy would ever hear
She said she was sorry that she didn't need him anymore
His body cringed in fear
The boy who was so lively,
Broke the thread that kept him there,
When he said goodbye.
Was a sorrowful note
Of regret and love
The boy with blue eyes so clear,
His vision so cloudy,
Took his own life
Out of regret, love and fear
The last thing the boy ever said
Was that he was sorry they would never wed
His fear of living life became blatant
The boy with hands so shaky,
His will so steadfast,
Took his own life
When he heard her say
The last thing the boy would ever hear
She said she was sorry that she didn't need him anymore
His body cringed in fear
The boy who was so lively,
Broke the thread that kept him there,
When he said goodbye.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Broken Skies
These dying days
Are like the fading rays
Of sun
As the rain clouds take over
My azure skies
Falling to pieces
And like the town crier
I shout about
How much we're losing
The earth might as well burn now
For the shards of glass will
Cut us to ribbons
Glue won't fix all that's broken
Tape just won't cut it
I can't hold this together all alone
I'm not the one who can save us all
When the pieces fall
I'll be hiding in the brighter days
Tell me when you've fixed the sky
Paused in that second
Like a photograph
I'll store myself away
In a box
To prevent me from the impending doom
That you'll all face head on
Like a car crash
I'm suffering whiplash
My protective shell
Wasn't enough
To save me from smashing through the windshield
And landing on the pavement
So now my world is broken
Are like the fading rays
Of sun
As the rain clouds take over
My azure skies
Falling to pieces
And like the town crier
I shout about
How much we're losing
The earth might as well burn now
For the shards of glass will
Cut us to ribbons
Glue won't fix all that's broken
Tape just won't cut it
I can't hold this together all alone
I'm not the one who can save us all
When the pieces fall
I'll be hiding in the brighter days
Tell me when you've fixed the sky
Paused in that second
Like a photograph
I'll store myself away
In a box
To prevent me from the impending doom
That you'll all face head on
Like a car crash
I'm suffering whiplash
My protective shell
Wasn't enough
To save me from smashing through the windshield
And landing on the pavement
So now my world is broken
Wrecked
Down this bare body
I see so many scars
Just so much hurt,
Blood dripping down my cheeks
How did I get so wrecked
Cuts on my legs,
Gashes across my arms
Scars on my chest
These things I don't remember
My heart inside
Is just the same
As this outer shell
Damaged, broken, scarred
I'm just so crushed
Both on the inside
And my insides are a mess
I see so many scars
Just so much hurt,
Blood dripping down my cheeks
How did I get so wrecked
Cuts on my legs,
Gashes across my arms
Scars on my chest
These things I don't remember
My heart inside
Is just the same
As this outer shell
Damaged, broken, scarred
I'm just so crushed
Both on the inside
And my insides are a mess
Friday, April 1, 2011
Lighthouse
Held back
From the brink of that looming darkness
I so desire
Why must you be here behind me
Holding me back
I held you both here for so long
Trying myself to find a brighter light
A light I thought would bring me hope
I found some light
But I was beyond hope
And now I'm a soul-less person
This lamp-post can't keep me here much more
To keep me here anymore
I'm held in the lights' radius
By both of you
Tethered to a lamp-post
I need a lighthouse to save me now
Where is the light that I need so?
Why can't my soul become a lighthouse for us all?
From the brink of that looming darkness
I so desire
Why must you be here behind me
Holding me back
I held you both here for so long
Trying myself to find a brighter light
A light I thought would bring me hope
I found some light
But I was beyond hope
And now I'm a soul-less person
This lamp-post can't keep me here much more
To keep me here anymore
I'm held in the lights' radius
By both of you
Tethered to a lamp-post
I need a lighthouse to save me now
Where is the light that I need so?
Why can't my soul become a lighthouse for us all?
Silence
Can't you see
Through her dark eyes
There's a light so bright
Waiting for you to call it out
She needs you
To scare all the monsters
To scare them away
Oh, can't you see
How much she needs you
Why can't you come to her rescue
Oh, why can't you be here
Just PLEASE save her
Oh, couldn't you see
That she needed you so
Her wings turned dark when you never came
And her halo grew thorns
Couldn't you have saved her from this hell?
Through her dark eyes
There's a light so bright
Waiting for you to call it out
She needs you
To scare all the monsters
To scare them away
Oh, can't you see
How much she needs you
Why can't you come to her rescue
Oh, why can't you be here
Just PLEASE save her
Oh, couldn't you see
That she needed you so
Her wings turned dark when you never came
And her halo grew thorns
Couldn't you have saved her from this hell?
Through Her Dark Eyes
Can't you see
Through her dark eyes
There's a light so bright
Waiting for you to call it out
She needs you
To scare all the monsters
To scare them away
Oh, can't you see
How much she needs you
Why can't you come to her rescue
Oh, why can't you be here
Just PLEASE save her
Oh, couldn't you see
That she needed you so
Her wings turned dark when you never came
And her halo grew thorns
Couldn't you have saved her from this hell?
Through her dark eyes
There's a light so bright
Waiting for you to call it out
She needs you
To scare all the monsters
To scare them away
Oh, can't you see
How much she needs you
Why can't you come to her rescue
Oh, why can't you be here
Just PLEASE save her
Oh, couldn't you see
That she needed you so
Her wings turned dark when you never came
And her halo grew thorns
Couldn't you have saved her from this hell?
Singing
He was just thinking
That his life was worthless
When he found a song
So beautiful that he could just keep going
He was just listening
When his mind gave away
To the beat of the bass
So subtle that he could just sing along
He was just singing
So loud that the walls around him faded
His melodic voice
So wonderful that she joined in
Too bad I'm not him
And I'm not thinking
And I'm not listening
And I'm not singing
That his life was worthless
When he found a song
So beautiful that he could just keep going
He was just listening
When his mind gave away
To the beat of the bass
So subtle that he could just sing along
He was just singing
So loud that the walls around him faded
His melodic voice
So wonderful that she joined in
Too bad I'm not him
And I'm not thinking
And I'm not listening
And I'm not singing
Remember
Oh he's finally happy
But he won't remember
The times that brought us together
Banded against the forces of the world
I was the 'happy' one
And now I've lost that
You're the happiest boy in the world
And I'm below zero on the happiness scale
I'll always remember this feeling
So when I fall again
I know what to expect
And if he falls again
He'll be on his ass
And I'll be here to pick him up
Don't doubt it
I've been here for two years
Don't expect me to leave now
But he won't remember
The times that brought us together
Banded against the forces of the world
I was the 'happy' one
And now I've lost that
You're the happiest boy in the world
And I'm below zero on the happiness scale
I'll always remember this feeling
So when I fall again
I know what to expect
And if he falls again
He'll be on his ass
And I'll be here to pick him up
Don't doubt it
I've been here for two years
Don't expect me to leave now
Just Your Imagination
I wish I used my heart before I used this god forsaken head
I feel like a leech for the things I think
I'm draining your energy
Just keep fighting me
You can fight me easily
I'm weak
I'm a parasite
I'm your worst nightmare
I am just a nightmare
Just your imagination
I feel like a leech for the things I think
I'm draining your energy
Just keep fighting me
You can fight me easily
I'm weak
I'm a parasite
I'm your worst nightmare
I am just a nightmare
Just your imagination
Talk
None of us are the type who talk
About the problems we all see
The smudges of drama that cover our lives
Are seen so clearly by each other
We all have our family problems
But we used to share everything
Now we avoid one another
Like the others caused this pain
About the problems we all see
The smudges of drama that cover our lives
Are seen so clearly by each other
We all have our family problems
But we used to share everything
Now we avoid one another
Like the others caused this pain
Time To Let Go?
The one I wished to talk to all the time
Is now nothing more than a distant sound
You once resonated within me with every word you ever spoke
How come you seem so far from me now
Is it that I've changed
No, you've changed too
Not as mature as you used to be
How come you seem so childish to me now?
I know I'm not done growing
But you don't seem to have started
You're still in that past I know
But when is it your turn to let go?
Is now nothing more than a distant sound
You once resonated within me with every word you ever spoke
How come you seem so far from me now
Is it that I've changed
No, you've changed too
Not as mature as you used to be
How come you seem so childish to me now?
I know I'm not done growing
But you don't seem to have started
You're still in that past I know
But when is it your turn to let go?
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Etched In Blood
Etched in blood on this whitewashed wall
The pain I have suffered
Not suffered, endured
Escaped this hell
Only to return all too willingly
Do I like this pain?
Emotional, Physical
May as well be the same,
The hurt is the same
The story of my life is written in blood
My own blood
Washed off this wall by my own tear
Painted this story
For my own fears
Of being unnoticed in this world
And now I clear it away
Why did I choose to stay
Here?
The pain I have suffered
Not suffered, endured
Escaped this hell
Only to return all too willingly
Do I like this pain?
Emotional, Physical
May as well be the same,
The hurt is the same
The story of my life is written in blood
My own blood
Washed off this wall by my own tear
Painted this story
For my own fears
Of being unnoticed in this world
And now I clear it away
Why did I choose to stay
Here?
Goodybye
I've finally realized why
Just why
Why this all happened
Why I shouldn't care anymore
Why I didn't care before
Tell me why you let this all start
Don't tell me it was my fault
Yes I played my part
But now I finally know what I did
I ruined us all
Thanks for the direction
It led to this confession
I was wrong
So why
Why did I let you get to me?
Why did I think I was right?
Thanks for this,
Goodbye
Just why
Why this all happened
Why I shouldn't care anymore
Why I didn't care before
Tell me why you let this all start
Don't tell me it was my fault
Yes I played my part
But now I finally know what I did
I ruined us all
Thanks for the direction
It led to this confession
I was wrong
So why
Why did I let you get to me?
Why did I think I was right?
Thanks for this,
Goodbye
Open Eyes
Baby close your eyes
Don't open till the world is right
Baby can you hear me breathing?
This air so polluted, fills my lungs
Baby can you fill me up
With your kiss, so untainted
Cleanse the soul I say I lack
When I can feel it right there
Baby open your eyes
And kiss me one last time
As the world fades away tonight
Don't open till the world is right
Baby can you hear me breathing?
This air so polluted, fills my lungs
Baby can you fill me up
With your kiss, so untainted
Cleanse the soul I say I lack
When I can feel it right there
Baby open your eyes
And kiss me one last time
As the world fades away tonight
I'm Online
Don't disturb
Means that I'm avoiding you
Away
Means I'm honestly not here
Invisible
Means I'm hiding
Offline
I've left this digital hell
Online
Means I'm sorry
Means that I'm avoiding you
Away
Means I'm honestly not here
Invisible
Means I'm hiding
Offline
I've left this digital hell
Online
Means I'm sorry
Sorry
Maybe I should say I'm sorry
And just move on from here
But I can't do it
Those words hardly ever pass these lips
Even when I mean it so desperately
But I'd rather fall
Fall asleep
Fall to my death
Fall away from everything
Sorry
But I'm going to leave now
Sorry
That I love you
Sorry
But I'm a terrible person
Sorry
That I can't say what I mean
Sorry
Because I made a stupid mistake
And just move on from here
But I can't do it
Those words hardly ever pass these lips
Even when I mean it so desperately
But I'd rather fall
Fall asleep
Fall to my death
Fall away from everything
Sorry
But I'm going to leave now
Sorry
That I love you
Sorry
But I'm a terrible person
Sorry
That I can't say what I mean
Sorry
Because I made a stupid mistake
The Girl I Wish I Never Met
The tears I wish to cry
Must have been stolen
By a wonderful girl
The girl I wish I never met
My emotions bottle up quickly
They escape easily
I have no control
Manic Depression
I need to let it all go
I need to escape this bottle to grow,
Grow away from the girl I wish I never met
To protect her from myself
To keep her from crying,
Crying my tears
Ever again.
Must have been stolen
By a wonderful girl
The girl I wish I never met
My emotions bottle up quickly
They escape easily
I have no control
Manic Depression
I need to let it all go
I need to escape this bottle to grow,
Grow away from the girl I wish I never met
To protect her from myself
To keep her from crying,
Crying my tears
Ever again.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Night King Chapter1-3
Night King
"Cloudless and clear, the stars fill the night. Shooting stars, comets and satellites float along the dreamy darkness. The town below the glow sits sleepily, lights off. The residents lay warm in their cozy beds. A wispy wind flows in the spring night. The Obsidian Castle looms on the edge of the dark," Xarian said to himself.
"You're king of the night, sir," the imp beside him said.
"What good does being king of the darkness do? Even grandpa was king of heaven and he created hell. And dad was king of hell for awhile and also saved the Earth and those impudent humans. What am I good for?" Xarian sighed heavily, wondering how to be a great caster.
"Sir, your father was a great man, hell he still is, anyways he made sure to seal heaven and hell apart. Keep the peace between the three worlds. After the Great Angel War and the Hellion-Angel War, he knew that they could never get along. If you want to do something great, change something, fight something or just plain scare the hell out of humans." Pustulian, the imp explained carefully.
"Pustulian, I know our history. Father taught me well, but I just know I'm meant to do something. Everyone else in this family did something. Am I really going to be the black sheep?"
"That is for you to decide, young master. The power is yours and yours alone. Don't expect others to grab your possibility of fame for you," the wise imp said, gesturing to Xarian's hands. "Try using that magic of your first. Nate trained you for a reason, damn it."
"And do what with it? I only trained in combat and healing, what use does that have in today's world? Humans have their own medicine and angels have no need for my powers. Demons can no longer destroy anything but their own, so they do not require my power either. The world needs conflict or it is empty. Can I fill this void?" Xarian asked the town beneath his window sill in The Obsidian Castle.
"Funny, that's been tried already," Pustulian choked out a self-contented laugh.
"It has?" Xarian asked?
"Ever heard of the Amethyst Alliance?" the imp asked, glancing around suspiciously
"How could I not have heard that story a thousand times? Dad and Aunt Sara fought them together," Xarian said, remembering the stories he thought were fairytales as a child.
"Well, young master, the Amethyst Alliance was a group of angels who grew bored with the fight with the demons. They tricked many demons into fighting against their own kind to 'end the war.' They actually lusted to create a new world filled with only angels, destroying the very gods that had created them. They would have killed all the demons and the humans to achieve their sinister goal," Pustulian told the story in an oddly similar fashion to his father.
"But Pustulian, how could they destroy the gods? Angels are not nearly that powerful and they never have been, have they?" Xarian asked.
"Before the Great Angel War, they were as powerful as the gods themselves," the well-studied imp explained.
"How did you learn so much about our history, Lian?" Xarian used his annoying pet-name for Pustulian.
"Most of it was spent with a memory log from your father and the other was his personal journal of his expeditions and studies. He wrote down everything he felt would be important for angels or demons to learn if he died," Pustulian explained his entire life's research. "It was very extensive. He wrote down many things that were very important at the time and have no importance now as far as I can tell."
"Lian, honestly, what can I do to make myself an honorable Exilus like the rest of my family?"
"Young Master, the rest of the Exilus bloodline was true to their thoughts and beliefs. Xavier was an assassin, your grandfather was a madman who wished only to fight and your father is the cleanest of the Exilus so far. The point is, be true to your own desires. It may take you farther than you thought," the imp said in a pep-talk fashion. Xarian walked down the stairs of the tallest spire of the Obsidian Castle towards the inner reaches. He needed to find the elixirs that his Aunt had given him on his eighteenth birthday. The strange potions would allow him to alter his form from full demon to full angel or even human. Xarian had no idea how his Aunt Sara had obtained such a powerful magic and glanced at them with a questioning look. "Master Sara conjured these up with Lynx, her magic pen. No ordinary caster could concoct such a brew, never doubt her abilities," Pustulian said with a wave of his small hand.
"Where did she get such a pen?" Xarian asked, dumbfounded by his family's magic.
"Your grandfather," Pustulian said cowering at the thought of him. "Don't think about getting that pen. You'll never get it. Axellius is next in line for it and he has to wait till she dies. She'll never give that thing up in her lifetime."
"I don't want it. I want something similar. Father always talked about a dragon-weapon egg that Sara found. I don't think anyone ever opened it." Xarian said momentarily pausing to think how to obtain it. "I think we should go see Sara."
Xarian stepped through the red portal before him and was at the gate to hell. Pustulian stood by the portal. "He's finally gone. My job is done, all I can do is hope that the Young Master will do his best and make the right decisions," the little imp smiled.
"So I take it that you did your job? He's finally on his way to becoming an Exilus," Xarian's father stood proudly behind Pustulian.
"Pustulian did well?" the little imp asked hopefully.
"Yes, continue and you will be well rewarded. However, it is sad that I cannot talk to him myself. He always takes my speeches as lectures. Maybe I was too hard on him," Nate sighed and tossed Pustulian a small vial. "Your reward."
"Thank you Master," the imp greedily grasped for the vial and popped the stopper off. "May I?"
"Go for it," Nate laughed, remembering the day Xarian had summoned Pustulian. It was his first successful endeavor in demonic magic. Pustulian guzzled the potion quickly. His fingers glowed with a green magic and the energy crackled like lightning. "Sadly, you'll need to keep him motivated. He tends to give up if there's nothing worth it to him," Nate chuckled to himself. "Just like his dad."
"Master, you should go, no telling when he'll be back," before Pustulian had finished, Nate was gone.
Xarian was in Hell for the first time since his childhood. "Aunt Sara rules here now, if I remember correctly. Dad passed the crown to her so he could live in Heaven with Mom," Xarian recalled aloud. Xarian walked through the heavy, metal gates and paused at the sight of a band of demons.
"Human?" was heard throughout the group.
"I smell a human, but he has the musk of a demon and the heart of an angel," the largest of the demons barked to his companions. The brute was the size of two men, covered in spikes and had the voice of a rough, older man. He turned to face Xarian, "What are you?" the demon was confused.
"I am the son of your previous king and the nephew of Queen Sara," Xarian announced proudly.
"No. Not who are you. WHAT are you? You're a crazy little mixed breed aren't you? Just an average mutt, I can smell it," the demon laughed rudely.
"So what if I am? What are you? I know my history and I know that either you or your parents were mere drawings, created by my grandfather. My family spawned you."
"Silence you little wretch," the demon grabbed his collar.
"You would be nothing without my family," Xarian said smugly, content with his own lineage.
"Xarian? I haven't seen you since your eighteenth birthday," a familiar sinisterly sweet voice chimed in behind him. "What brings you here?" Sara asked with a smirk that gave away her true intentions.
"Aunt Sara, I know that father convinced me to come here. So you must know already."
"Hold on Xarian. Sern, take your hand off my nephew or you won't have an arm for much longer," Sara smiled sweetly.
"Yes Ma'am," Sern, the demon moved his hand away quickly.
"Now get out of my sight or I'll be redrawing a new demon," she said, keeping her kind composure. "Follow me Xarian." Sara walked through the courtyard of her castle and opened the door with a wave of her hand. "You remember my home right?"
"How could I forget? It's the only castle in Hell," Xarian laughed, feeling at home.
"Zane, can you come here please," Sara called with her normal voice. She was finally calm away from the filthy demons.
"Yes dear," Zane called from up the stairs. He walked down quickly so he wouldn't keep his wife waiting. "Oh, hi Xarian," Zane's eyes shifted to Sara. "Does he know yet?"
"No I brought you down to tell him with me," Sara said, obviously faking a smile.
"So Xarian, I suspect your father told you about the egg," Zane said, preparing himself for a speech.
"Nope, Pustulian told me. Actually, he told me lots of things that only Dad would know," Xarian said.
"Well your dad did put him up to this. Anyways, you are the first born of this generation of the Exilus bloodline. Our son, Axellius was born almost exactly a year later. And thus you are the first in line for the weapon-egg," Zane explained and motioned to his wife.
"Axellius wants to challenge you for both the egg and your Obsidian Castle. If you lose, he will become the Night King. If you win, he offers his powers over time and my pen, when I die and you pry it from my dead hands," Sara finished, unhappy with the situation.
"What? How can he do this?" Xarian asked.
"Well our family is big on fighting. You should know that," Sara laughed at her own misery, knowing she might lose a family member soon. "If you lose, you lose Pustulian and your Castle, dear."
"I understand," Xarian said calmly.
"There's a catch. You HAVE to accept. My father sealed a spell on our family. 'Any who decline a challenge, the cowards, will perish in the very flames from which the demons originally spawned," Sara recited her father's exact words for the spell.
"It was to spite me, Sara," Nate piped up from behind her. "I asked him about mom once when you were away. I said I'd do anything to know. I told him I'd fight him if I had to, so he cursed the rest of the family," Nate sighed.
"I already knew. He told me about it and said to blame you," Sara said calmly.
"Typical," Nate coughed. "Anyways, to the task at hand. Xarian you'll get no help from me or your mother. If anyone should try and help you, then Axellius will get the help instead."
"Same thing happens for you if we help Axellius," Sara interrupted.
"I understand. What's the challenge?" Xarian asked, slightly worried.
"A fight to the death with no magic. It's to take place in a forest on Earth," Zane spoke up. "No advantages for either of you."
"But you said we would be banished?" Xarian's eyes bugged out with panic.
"Loophole, we have spells to revive the loser," Sara said, holding her pen. "Axellius is already prepared. You have one day to prepare, choose one weapon and to fill this bag with supplies," Sara tossed an army green backpack at Xarian.
"Good luck, son. We'll be watching," Nate said, hugging his 19 year old boy.
"Thanks dad," Xarian felt like a child once again. Not much magic was used in his adult life and he missed watching his father use spells on a daily basis.
"Go now. You're wasting time," Nate said, tapping Xarian's shoulder and forcing him to teleport to the castle.
Xarian pulled the backpack open and quickly threw food inside it. He needed to pack and get as much sleep as he could in the next 24 hours.
"Pustulian, get me my StarShooter," Xarian called through the castle halls.
"Yes Master," the tiny imp called back from the tallest spire. Xarian pulled a can opener inside the bag.
"No magic. I've learned to rely on it for even some simple things, especially for food. I bet Axellius has been relying on it too," he said to himself. He searched through his collection of useful caster items. "Nothing I need." Xarian stood up and carefully walked down the stairs to the laboratory in the lowest spire. Xarian opened the door and shoved several vials into the bag, careful to wrap them in a blanket. He shoved several more away, still looking through them. "I guess that should be enough to get through the battle. It won't last more than two days I bet."
He climbed up the stairs to his bed; his pack was on his back.
"The StarShooter is on your bed," Pustulian said.
"Thank you. Goodnight Lian," Xarian said, drifting to his dreamland.
"Goodnight Master," Pustulian said, teleporting to Heaven to meet Nate.
"Cloudless and clear, the stars fill the night. Shooting stars, comets and satellites float along the dreamy darkness. The town below the glow sits sleepily, lights off. The residents lay warm in their cozy beds. A wispy wind flows in the spring night. The Obsidian Castle looms on the edge of the dark," Xarian said to himself.
"You're king of the night, sir," the imp beside him said.
"What good does being king of the darkness do? Even grandpa was king of heaven and he created hell. And dad was king of hell for awhile and also saved the Earth and those impudent humans. What am I good for?" Xarian sighed heavily, wondering how to be a great caster.
"Sir, your father was a great man, hell he still is, anyways he made sure to seal heaven and hell apart. Keep the peace between the three worlds. After the Great Angel War and the Hellion-Angel War, he knew that they could never get along. If you want to do something great, change something, fight something or just plain scare the hell out of humans." Pustulian, the imp explained carefully.
"Pustulian, I know our history. Father taught me well, but I just know I'm meant to do something. Everyone else in this family did something. Am I really going to be the black sheep?"
"That is for you to decide, young master. The power is yours and yours alone. Don't expect others to grab your possibility of fame for you," the wise imp said, gesturing to Xarian's hands. "Try using that magic of your first. Nate trained you for a reason, damn it."
"And do what with it? I only trained in combat and healing, what use does that have in today's world? Humans have their own medicine and angels have no need for my powers. Demons can no longer destroy anything but their own, so they do not require my power either. The world needs conflict or it is empty. Can I fill this void?" Xarian asked the town beneath his window sill in The Obsidian Castle.
"Funny, that's been tried already," Pustulian choked out a self-contented laugh.
"It has?" Xarian asked?
"Ever heard of the Amethyst Alliance?" the imp asked, glancing around suspiciously
"How could I not have heard that story a thousand times? Dad and Aunt Sara fought them together," Xarian said, remembering the stories he thought were fairytales as a child.
"Well, young master, the Amethyst Alliance was a group of angels who grew bored with the fight with the demons. They tricked many demons into fighting against their own kind to 'end the war.' They actually lusted to create a new world filled with only angels, destroying the very gods that had created them. They would have killed all the demons and the humans to achieve their sinister goal," Pustulian told the story in an oddly similar fashion to his father.
"But Pustulian, how could they destroy the gods? Angels are not nearly that powerful and they never have been, have they?" Xarian asked.
"Before the Great Angel War, they were as powerful as the gods themselves," the well-studied imp explained.
"How did you learn so much about our history, Lian?" Xarian used his annoying pet-name for Pustulian.
"Most of it was spent with a memory log from your father and the other was his personal journal of his expeditions and studies. He wrote down everything he felt would be important for angels or demons to learn if he died," Pustulian explained his entire life's research. "It was very extensive. He wrote down many things that were very important at the time and have no importance now as far as I can tell."
"Lian, honestly, what can I do to make myself an honorable Exilus like the rest of my family?"
"Young Master, the rest of the Exilus bloodline was true to their thoughts and beliefs. Xavier was an assassin, your grandfather was a madman who wished only to fight and your father is the cleanest of the Exilus so far. The point is, be true to your own desires. It may take you farther than you thought," the imp said in a pep-talk fashion. Xarian walked down the stairs of the tallest spire of the Obsidian Castle towards the inner reaches. He needed to find the elixirs that his Aunt had given him on his eighteenth birthday. The strange potions would allow him to alter his form from full demon to full angel or even human. Xarian had no idea how his Aunt Sara had obtained such a powerful magic and glanced at them with a questioning look. "Master Sara conjured these up with Lynx, her magic pen. No ordinary caster could concoct such a brew, never doubt her abilities," Pustulian said with a wave of his small hand.
"Where did she get such a pen?" Xarian asked, dumbfounded by his family's magic.
"Your grandfather," Pustulian said cowering at the thought of him. "Don't think about getting that pen. You'll never get it. Axellius is next in line for it and he has to wait till she dies. She'll never give that thing up in her lifetime."
"I don't want it. I want something similar. Father always talked about a dragon-weapon egg that Sara found. I don't think anyone ever opened it." Xarian said momentarily pausing to think how to obtain it. "I think we should go see Sara."
Xarian stepped through the red portal before him and was at the gate to hell. Pustulian stood by the portal. "He's finally gone. My job is done, all I can do is hope that the Young Master will do his best and make the right decisions," the little imp smiled.
"So I take it that you did your job? He's finally on his way to becoming an Exilus," Xarian's father stood proudly behind Pustulian.
"Pustulian did well?" the little imp asked hopefully.
"Yes, continue and you will be well rewarded. However, it is sad that I cannot talk to him myself. He always takes my speeches as lectures. Maybe I was too hard on him," Nate sighed and tossed Pustulian a small vial. "Your reward."
"Thank you Master," the imp greedily grasped for the vial and popped the stopper off. "May I?"
"Go for it," Nate laughed, remembering the day Xarian had summoned Pustulian. It was his first successful endeavor in demonic magic. Pustulian guzzled the potion quickly. His fingers glowed with a green magic and the energy crackled like lightning. "Sadly, you'll need to keep him motivated. He tends to give up if there's nothing worth it to him," Nate chuckled to himself. "Just like his dad."
"Master, you should go, no telling when he'll be back," before Pustulian had finished, Nate was gone.
Xarian was in Hell for the first time since his childhood. "Aunt Sara rules here now, if I remember correctly. Dad passed the crown to her so he could live in Heaven with Mom," Xarian recalled aloud. Xarian walked through the heavy, metal gates and paused at the sight of a band of demons.
"Human?" was heard throughout the group.
"I smell a human, but he has the musk of a demon and the heart of an angel," the largest of the demons barked to his companions. The brute was the size of two men, covered in spikes and had the voice of a rough, older man. He turned to face Xarian, "What are you?" the demon was confused.
"I am the son of your previous king and the nephew of Queen Sara," Xarian announced proudly.
"No. Not who are you. WHAT are you? You're a crazy little mixed breed aren't you? Just an average mutt, I can smell it," the demon laughed rudely.
"So what if I am? What are you? I know my history and I know that either you or your parents were mere drawings, created by my grandfather. My family spawned you."
"Silence you little wretch," the demon grabbed his collar.
"You would be nothing without my family," Xarian said smugly, content with his own lineage.
"Xarian? I haven't seen you since your eighteenth birthday," a familiar sinisterly sweet voice chimed in behind him. "What brings you here?" Sara asked with a smirk that gave away her true intentions.
"Aunt Sara, I know that father convinced me to come here. So you must know already."
"Hold on Xarian. Sern, take your hand off my nephew or you won't have an arm for much longer," Sara smiled sweetly.
"Yes Ma'am," Sern, the demon moved his hand away quickly.
"Now get out of my sight or I'll be redrawing a new demon," she said, keeping her kind composure. "Follow me Xarian." Sara walked through the courtyard of her castle and opened the door with a wave of her hand. "You remember my home right?"
"How could I forget? It's the only castle in Hell," Xarian laughed, feeling at home.
"Zane, can you come here please," Sara called with her normal voice. She was finally calm away from the filthy demons.
"Yes dear," Zane called from up the stairs. He walked down quickly so he wouldn't keep his wife waiting. "Oh, hi Xarian," Zane's eyes shifted to Sara. "Does he know yet?"
"No I brought you down to tell him with me," Sara said, obviously faking a smile.
"So Xarian, I suspect your father told you about the egg," Zane said, preparing himself for a speech.
"Nope, Pustulian told me. Actually, he told me lots of things that only Dad would know," Xarian said.
"Well your dad did put him up to this. Anyways, you are the first born of this generation of the Exilus bloodline. Our son, Axellius was born almost exactly a year later. And thus you are the first in line for the weapon-egg," Zane explained and motioned to his wife.
"Axellius wants to challenge you for both the egg and your Obsidian Castle. If you lose, he will become the Night King. If you win, he offers his powers over time and my pen, when I die and you pry it from my dead hands," Sara finished, unhappy with the situation.
"What? How can he do this?" Xarian asked.
"Well our family is big on fighting. You should know that," Sara laughed at her own misery, knowing she might lose a family member soon. "If you lose, you lose Pustulian and your Castle, dear."
"I understand," Xarian said calmly.
"There's a catch. You HAVE to accept. My father sealed a spell on our family. 'Any who decline a challenge, the cowards, will perish in the very flames from which the demons originally spawned," Sara recited her father's exact words for the spell.
"It was to spite me, Sara," Nate piped up from behind her. "I asked him about mom once when you were away. I said I'd do anything to know. I told him I'd fight him if I had to, so he cursed the rest of the family," Nate sighed.
"I already knew. He told me about it and said to blame you," Sara said calmly.
"Typical," Nate coughed. "Anyways, to the task at hand. Xarian you'll get no help from me or your mother. If anyone should try and help you, then Axellius will get the help instead."
"Same thing happens for you if we help Axellius," Sara interrupted.
"I understand. What's the challenge?" Xarian asked, slightly worried.
"A fight to the death with no magic. It's to take place in a forest on Earth," Zane spoke up. "No advantages for either of you."
"But you said we would be banished?" Xarian's eyes bugged out with panic.
"Loophole, we have spells to revive the loser," Sara said, holding her pen. "Axellius is already prepared. You have one day to prepare, choose one weapon and to fill this bag with supplies," Sara tossed an army green backpack at Xarian.
"Good luck, son. We'll be watching," Nate said, hugging his 19 year old boy.
"Thanks dad," Xarian felt like a child once again. Not much magic was used in his adult life and he missed watching his father use spells on a daily basis.
"Go now. You're wasting time," Nate said, tapping Xarian's shoulder and forcing him to teleport to the castle.
Xarian pulled the backpack open and quickly threw food inside it. He needed to pack and get as much sleep as he could in the next 24 hours.
"Pustulian, get me my StarShooter," Xarian called through the castle halls.
"Yes Master," the tiny imp called back from the tallest spire. Xarian pulled a can opener inside the bag.
"No magic. I've learned to rely on it for even some simple things, especially for food. I bet Axellius has been relying on it too," he said to himself. He searched through his collection of useful caster items. "Nothing I need." Xarian stood up and carefully walked down the stairs to the laboratory in the lowest spire. Xarian opened the door and shoved several vials into the bag, careful to wrap them in a blanket. He shoved several more away, still looking through them. "I guess that should be enough to get through the battle. It won't last more than two days I bet."
He climbed up the stairs to his bed; his pack was on his back.
"The StarShooter is on your bed," Pustulian said.
"Thank you. Goodnight Lian," Xarian said, drifting to his dreamland.
"Goodnight Master," Pustulian said, teleporting to Heaven to meet Nate.
Drowning This Heart in Ink
Drowning this heart
In a sea so black
The ink of writings
The thoughts keep swelling
And the ink keeps growing
Why does my brain keep flowing
Back to thoughts of you
Every time I write
A letter, a word, a sentence
I think of you
And all I can do is hope
Somewhere in this sea of ink
So bleak
I can only wait so long
Until all this hope starts to shrink
Holding this pen so tight
Trying to veer out of your way
The ink bled through
Must I think of you
And now I'm sinking,
Drowning in the black
In a sea so black
The ink of writings
The thoughts keep swelling
And the ink keeps growing
Why does my brain keep flowing
Back to thoughts of you
Every time I write
A letter, a word, a sentence
I think of you
And all I can do is hope
Somewhere in this sea of ink
So bleak
I can only wait so long
Until all this hope starts to shrink
Holding this pen so tight
Trying to veer out of your way
The ink bled through
Must I think of you
And now I'm sinking,
Drowning in the black
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Bloodied In the Night
These tears will never end the sins
That I hid so well
I wake up with scars on my arms
Clawing my way out of my dreams
My mind hides its thoughts amazingly
How have I not screamed?
Scratch until I bleed
Get me out
Will I ever have another normal dream
Like that night?
Or will I always be trying to escape?
I just want to be able to accept it all
I wake up with blood on my wrists and nails,
Broken lips
Bitten until they open
Every part of me wants out
Give them what they want
They need escape
Before they go mad
Because I'm making them that way
That I hid so well
I wake up with scars on my arms
Clawing my way out of my dreams
My mind hides its thoughts amazingly
How have I not screamed?
Scratch until I bleed
Get me out
Will I ever have another normal dream
Like that night?
Or will I always be trying to escape?
I just want to be able to accept it all
I wake up with blood on my wrists and nails,
Broken lips
Bitten until they open
Every part of me wants out
Give them what they want
They need escape
Before they go mad
Because I'm making them that way
Life With Lyrics
If life had lyrics,
What would yours be?
Something happy?
Upbeat or calm?
Your life's lyrics cannot be heard
By another
For what you feel is yours alone
So why should they be heard by anyone else?
So how can I explain my own
To you all?
My feelings are mine alone
And I can't say everything I think
My lyrics are more somber,
Quiet with meaning
That only stands out to me
Hidden in my own thoughts
What would yours be?
Something happy?
Upbeat or calm?
Your life's lyrics cannot be heard
By another
For what you feel is yours alone
So why should they be heard by anyone else?
So how can I explain my own
To you all?
My feelings are mine alone
And I can't say everything I think
My lyrics are more somber,
Quiet with meaning
That only stands out to me
Hidden in my own thoughts
Not Guilty
Not Guilty
All angels, all gods
They fell to their knees
As he took over the sky
The night turned to grey
As god fell away
The night when perfection killed,
The sun turned to dark
And our precious, perpetual day passed away.
All angels, all gods
They fell to their knees
As he took over the sky
The night turned to grey
As god fell away
The night when perfection killed,
The sun turned to dark
And our precious, perpetual day passed away.
Broken Glass
If I wasn’t in this time,
This place,
I would laugh away
Laugh away
All the pain
So much pain
If I had another way
Is there another way?
To get away
Get away
Would I stay?
Just another day
But since I’m here today
In this place
I have to hide it away
Bottled pain
How long till the bottle breaks?
Its cracking
Am I just supposed to take it?
Store it away
Tear me apart
Torn to pieces
Am I just a bottle?
Now I’m just broken glass
This place,
I would laugh away
Laugh away
All the pain
So much pain
If I had another way
Is there another way?
To get away
Get away
Would I stay?
Just another day
But since I’m here today
In this place
I have to hide it away
Bottled pain
How long till the bottle breaks?
Its cracking
Am I just supposed to take it?
Store it away
Tear me apart
Torn to pieces
Am I just a bottle?
Now I’m just broken glass
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
When Creativity Drys Up
What if we ran out of words?
Everything becomes cliche
Each phrase turns stale and eventually rots
What do we do when the creativity runs dry?
When invention loses its luster,
Art fails to shine,
And literature no longer inspires
How do we keep it flowing?
Am I losing myself?
Everything has its time to die
Eventually I will too
When will I run out of creativity?
I'm already low on fuel
Burning on empty
Toss some emotion on the fire
Watch as my inspiration burns higher
Passion put into art
Many hours of constant work
Ink stains the page,
Paint fills the canvas
Will we all lose this creativity?
Or is it an endless bounty?
Can we all think of new ideas?
There are only so many ideas to be tried.
I wonder when this "endless bounty" will fade away.
Everything becomes cliche
Each phrase turns stale and eventually rots
What do we do when the creativity runs dry?
When invention loses its luster,
Art fails to shine,
And literature no longer inspires
How do we keep it flowing?
Am I losing myself?
Everything has its time to die
Eventually I will too
When will I run out of creativity?
I'm already low on fuel
Burning on empty
Toss some emotion on the fire
Watch as my inspiration burns higher
Passion put into art
Many hours of constant work
Ink stains the page,
Paint fills the canvas
Will we all lose this creativity?
Or is it an endless bounty?
Can we all think of new ideas?
There are only so many ideas to be tried.
I wonder when this "endless bounty" will fade away.
Cracking
The ground is cracking beneath me
The darkness I once stood on,
That engulfed me
Held me up so high
Away from everyone,
And everything
The light shines through this smudged glass
Cracked and dirty,
Broken, but held together
Running on this thinnest of ice
Cracking around me
Running
Away from all these fears and lies
Hiding myself in the blackness
In a place as dark as this,
No one can see your face
And you can't see their looks
Of sheer disgrace
This light thats breaking through
Shining like the dawn
Gives me hope,
Because even if I fall
The light will always catch me
And bring me down safely
The finest feathers fall from these wings
Sinking through the cracks
Glowing in the light beneath me
I will fly swiftly
Or fall slowly
Let this light keep glowing
So no matter where I'm going
I'll never hit the ground
And now my thoughts are slowing
This darkness is breaking underfoot
The light stopped glowing beneath
Instantly, I fall and hit the ground
Turns out this safety net wasn't so safe
Every candle burns out
Eventually all you have is wax
All things have their expiration date
And now
I guess this is mine.
The darkness I once stood on,
That engulfed me
Held me up so high
Away from everyone,
And everything
The light shines through this smudged glass
Cracked and dirty,
Broken, but held together
Running on this thinnest of ice
Cracking around me
Running
Away from all these fears and lies
Hiding myself in the blackness
In a place as dark as this,
No one can see your face
And you can't see their looks
Of sheer disgrace
This light thats breaking through
Shining like the dawn
Gives me hope,
Because even if I fall
The light will always catch me
And bring me down safely
The finest feathers fall from these wings
Sinking through the cracks
Glowing in the light beneath me
I will fly swiftly
Or fall slowly
Let this light keep glowing
So no matter where I'm going
I'll never hit the ground
And now my thoughts are slowing
This darkness is breaking underfoot
The light stopped glowing beneath
Instantly, I fall and hit the ground
Turns out this safety net wasn't so safe
Every candle burns out
Eventually all you have is wax
All things have their expiration date
And now
I guess this is mine.
Who's the Adult?
Whats the point
In talking to you?
When all you do is yell
And scream like you're three
Why would I bother to waste my time
With you?
You throw things across the room
While constantly screaming at me
Do you notice
The hatred in these eyes?
I try to be reasonable
While you tell me how horrible I am
Why do you think
I'm "plotting against you?"
When its you
Who starts these fights
Have you realized yet
That I'm right?
Did you notice
That I've given up all hope for you?
So good luck when I'm gone
Because this is your last chance
To right these wrongs
After this I won't be back
Of time
You've lost all track
You're acting like the child
And I'm the parent
Always wrong in your eyes
But truly right
In talking to you?
When all you do is yell
And scream like you're three
Why would I bother to waste my time
With you?
You throw things across the room
While constantly screaming at me
Do you notice
The hatred in these eyes?
I try to be reasonable
While you tell me how horrible I am
Why do you think
I'm "plotting against you?"
When its you
Who starts these fights
Have you realized yet
That I'm right?
Did you notice
That I've given up all hope for you?
So good luck when I'm gone
Because this is your last chance
To right these wrongs
After this I won't be back
Of time
You've lost all track
You're acting like the child
And I'm the parent
Always wrong in your eyes
But truly right
Wrenched Away
I Shouldn't have said anything
Because I know how it feels
To have the person you care about wrenched away
I was taken from the one I cared about
Found another,
You
I left one life that I loved
And found one that I grew to love
Only because of you
I won't be leaving for awhile
And the dread
Will eat us away
But
I'll still be here for you
And you're always here for me
But don't think
That because I'm away
It means that I won't come back someday
Because I know how it feels
To have the person you care about wrenched away
I was taken from the one I cared about
Found another,
You
I left one life that I loved
And found one that I grew to love
Only because of you
I won't be leaving for awhile
And the dread
Will eat us away
But
I'll still be here for you
And you're always here for me
But don't think
That because I'm away
It means that I won't come back someday
Sara and Zane
Finally saw her smile
She was wrapped in his arms
So cute
I've never seen her this way
Not longer than today
Had I ever seen her smile
She'd laugh and shrug off the pain
Of life, her troubles and everything that came her way
But not today
He made her happy
The boy who could bring her light
He lays beside me
All tuckered out
From holding her
And dancing the night away with us
He had never been happy
Until he had her
And now
He can hold her,
Keep her troubles at bay
While they just dance the night away
She was wrapped in his arms
So cute
I've never seen her this way
Not longer than today
Had I ever seen her smile
She'd laugh and shrug off the pain
Of life, her troubles and everything that came her way
But not today
He made her happy
The boy who could bring her light
He lays beside me
All tuckered out
From holding her
And dancing the night away with us
He had never been happy
Until he had her
And now
He can hold her,
Keep her troubles at bay
While they just dance the night away
Tingle In My Brain
I write to keep these thoughts from taking over
Over and over
I think how I could brighten a day
Just with what I say
I hope that you like it
I really do
But honestly this pleasure
Is meant for me
A pleasure I wont feel guilty for
Something I'll always adore
I need this pen here
A need that I fear
Pain is plenty
Love is few and far between
Pretty words are all I can say
Do you have any idea what I mean?
I can write what I mean
Or I can write a bullshit lie
It depends on my
Intentions for the day
All I need is a single thought
A tingle in my brain
That would drive me insane
If I didn't write it down for you to see
Over and over
I think how I could brighten a day
Just with what I say
I hope that you like it
I really do
But honestly this pleasure
Is meant for me
A pleasure I wont feel guilty for
Something I'll always adore
I need this pen here
A need that I fear
Pain is plenty
Love is few and far between
Pretty words are all I can say
Do you have any idea what I mean?
I can write what I mean
Or I can write a bullshit lie
It depends on my
Intentions for the day
All I need is a single thought
A tingle in my brain
That would drive me insane
If I didn't write it down for you to see
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Don't Bother.
You can sit there crying
Just watch my soul,
As it's dying
Can't do what I wish
Don't you think I'm trying?
But I'm not the fighting kind
See as I fade away
Broken wings and broken creativity
Falling from this position, losing my mind
So just sit there crying
See me pass you by
I won't bother trying,
Not anymore.
Just watch my soul,
As it's dying
Can't do what I wish
Don't you think I'm trying?
But I'm not the fighting kind
See as I fade away
Broken wings and broken creativity
Falling from this position, losing my mind
So just sit there crying
See me pass you by
I won't bother trying,
Not anymore.
Don't Bother.
You can sit there crying
Just watch my soul,
As it's dying
Can't do what I wish
Don't you think I'm trying?
But I'm not the fighting kind
See as I fade away
Broken wings and broken creativity
Falling from this position, losing my mind
So just sit there crying
See me pass you by
I won't bother trying,
Not anymore.
Just watch my soul,
As it's dying
Can't do what I wish
Don't you think I'm trying?
But I'm not the fighting kind
See as I fade away
Broken wings and broken creativity
Falling from this position, losing my mind
So just sit there crying
See me pass you by
I won't bother trying,
Not anymore.
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